—HOLOCAT: “Hardly the only thing that’s made you sound stupid until now.”

—SATOSHI NAKAMOTO: “Bitcoin moved far beyond its creator’s control many, many years ago. It would not matter if Vanderpoole or I were Satoshi’s grandson. Bitcoin is defined by the community and cannot be co-opted by a single individual or entity—including Satoshi. Proving this is the real battle. I hope you don’t mind, but I asked your eccentric freelance reporter friend to reach out.”

—He what? Ding.

—HOLOCAT: Don’t forget to boop me.

—MIKE RAMEN: “You’ve got guts. But you’ll need more. What you discovered is just the start. There’s more to this story, but we need to visit Vanderpoole’s private island to get it. It’s going to cost a lot, so I could use your help pulling my funds off the multi-signature that you helped me set up. You’ve still got one of my keys, right?”